Have you ever sat down with your friends and talked about what it would be like to have a superhero? You know, who's your favorite, what kind of superpower you would have... Jaime's superpower (or arguably one of many) is attracting strange women. I would talk more about it, but that would ruin the surprise for future posts.
This is the story of one of his female encounters.
Jaime had been seeing her for a little while, and had decided that maybe it would be best not to keep dating. I can't exactly remember what happened there, but it probably involved random visits at his house, involving screaming, banging on the door and possibly a break in. For years now, we've all decided that there's something in the water there that causes normal women to turn in to sadistic stalkers with a desire to use crow bars and other objects to break in and chase men, followed by multiple phone calls, and all the other things that make for a quality psycho.
After weeks of not talking to her, and what we would all consider a successful departure from the insanity, Jaime decided he'd reach out. Her family had a stronghold on the pizza market in his area, and he was going to swing by the shop to pick something up. Why he decided to call and announce this I can't remember, but I'm happy he did.
Dina (remember, fictitious names here) was out doing some shopping at a local department store. Phone rings, she immediately freaks out because the man she had been unsuccessfully stalking had decided to put himself back in her web. Blinded by her new found reason to live, she freaks out, and runs out of the store, because I guess reception wasn't good enough inside. This is where it gets funny.
See, Dina forgot about the whole "I'm still looking at things, and might try this on" part of her day that she was currently involved in, so arm load of items and all, runs right out the front door and into the parking lot. I can only imagine that this is how it went from there:
D: "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, JAIME, is that really you???"
J: "Hi Dina, how are ya? I was thinking about going out and getting a white pie..."
D: "AHHHHHHHHHH, I'm so happy you called. I was just out getting some more candles for the shrine I created in my room for you. This is totally a sign we need to be together!!!"
J: "Ummm, uhhh..."
D: "How many kids do you want? I was thinking about 7, we don't have to get started right away, but now that you've called me, we should talk about the wedding. I knew sitting in my room for hours, talking to myself and chanting would finally work out! All my friends said I was crazy..."
J: "And they would be correct."
D: "I mean, we're perfect for eachother. Obviously, you know you're the object of my affection... hold on... yes sir, I am paying for these, but my future husband just rang and..."
J: "Did you just run out of a store?"
D: "HOLD ON JAIME!... no sir, I wasn't trying to.. hey, what are you doing?!?!?! JAIME, HELP ME!"
J: "Hmmm, maybe I'll just make an Elio's instead..."
D: "Elio! That's definitely the name of our first boy! I was thinking the same thing! I'm going to love shopping for him. SIR, PLEASE STOP PULLING ME INSIDE! THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT CALL I.... (click)"
Later on, Jaime comes to find that crazy lady had in fact run out of the store, and that the authorities had been summoned. Now, where it went from there I'm not sure, but I don't ever recall meeting this one, and I haven't had pizza when I've visited, so we can all venture a guess that he moved on to his next head case from there.
Trust me, his adventures in women get better from here, but for now, I'll leave you with this one to enjoy.
Since we don't have visual proof, I can only imagine that it went a little something like this after they hung up...